Inside My Week-Long Bar Crawl Aboard the World’s Biggest Cruise Ship (2024)

When I think about cruises, I think about booze.

To me, cruise ships are about abundance: a grand, floating lesson in what it means to try to meet the demands, desires, and needs of every passenger on board. As someone who has been following the years-long story of Royal Caribbean’s Icon of the Seas, the world’s biggest cruise ship, I knew that this ship was the most extreme attempt at this yet. I was acutely aware of how all eight “neighborhoods,” or themed areas of the ship, were engineered to offer something for every kind of traveler and cater to just about everyone’s idea of the perfect vacation. And co*cktails, which appear in just about every corner of a cruise ship, are a stirrable representation of that nearly-impossible promise.

The FOMO began to hit me as I approached the ship on a shuttle bus from the airport. Every gap between the buildings and parking garages of PortMiami revealed a new sliver of the ship—a tangle of waterslides on the top deck, a gleaming wall of glass balconies, the infamous “human lasagna” cross-section view of the aft. It was like a skyscraper, laid down sideways to float on the water. If you stood her up, she’d come in just a little more than 50 feet shy of the Empire State Building.

Was I ready to go down all six waterslides, soak in all seven pools, and tackle the many other shows, attractions, and forms of entertainment on offer? Absolutely not. At most, I was about 50% prepared to take on the world’s largest floating family vacation machine.

I was, however, very confident in my ability to sip my way through Icon’s dizzying array of drinking establishments, including 10 entirely new bar concepts exclusive to the ship. And when all was said and done, I’d had at least one beverage from a whopping 16 of the 18 bars across the ship.

Sure, the ship may be billed as the “ultimate vacation,” but for me, it was the ultimate bar crawl. Then again, maybe those are one in the same.

Inside My Week-Long Bar Crawl Aboard the World’s Biggest Cruise Ship (1)

DAY ONE: slowing to a crawl

Despite finding myself in the open-air, tropical-themed parade of the Chill Island neighborhood on Deck 15 of the ship, my chill had yet to reappear. I couldn’t shake the feeling that’d been growing since the bus ride to the ship. It felt like standing atop an anthill, with thousands of people—enough to fill a small town—pouring through the highly engineered maze of corridors and spaces of the decks above and below me. The race was on to figure out where to go and what to do for the rest of the evening, but for the sake of my sanity, I decided all of that could wait. It was time to get a drink in my hand.

Thus, my bar crawl began.

To be clear: Bar crawl, not booze cruise. The term “booze cruise” feels redundant to me, as someone whose entire sailing experience usually revolves around when and where to drink. It also turns out that the term’s original meaning doesn’t quite make sense here. While I’d always assumed it had some sort of connection with drinking (booze) and maritime adventures (cruising), it’s actually a bit of British slang. The Brits would flock to nearby countries to take advantage of lower prices and taxes for alcohol and other vices, hauling bulk wine home via booze cruises.

Yeah, it’s fun to say, but “bar crawl” is more fitting.

Speaking of which, when you inevitably end up on the upper decks after setting out to explore Icon of the Seas for the first time, The Lime and the Coconut bar is there waiting for you. It’s the ultimate island bar with its Caribbean-themed decor, large menu of tropical-themed co*cktails displayed on driftwood planks arranged on the wall, and proximity to the biggest pools and hottest whirlpools. Moreover, the bar’s highlighter-orange high-top chairs are a great vantage point for afternoon people-watching, just as daytime transitions to nightlife.

After taking my seat, I ordered a Watermelon ‘Rita of astonishing sweetness. I associate margaritas with a high ABV, so it felt like a safe bet to get the cruise bar-crawl party started compared to other tropical-style drinks on the menu like the Planter’s Punch (rum, pineapple juice, orange juice, lime juice, grenadine) or the Lime & Coconut (Malibu, coconut milk, coconut syrup, guava syrup, lime juice). While it only got me about halfway to the let-loose buzz I was looking for, it was pleasant to sip as a steel drum band played a beach-themed soundtrack, and as I watched people already simmering in a nearby hot tub as if the Steamfresh bag of Miami air wasn’t enough for them.

Boom: I officially shifted into cruise mode. At last.

There’s a time and place for astonishingly sweet drinks and, naturally, that time is pretty much any moment you find yourself poolside on a cruise ship. There are a few reasons for this. First, the types of beverages people gravitate toward on vacation—like piña coladas, strawberry daiquiris, and frozen margaritas—are all sugary by design. They’ve also got to be visually pleasing enough to warrant a photo, so additional fruit juices and syrups are brought in for aesthetics. I suspect that there’s a cost-savings element as well since it’s probably cheaper when bartenders use more flavored syrups and less liquor.

“Most people, when they go on a cruise, they’re looking for some sort of escapism,” explains Naren Young, a mixologist and creative director at Sweet Liberty in Miami Beach who was recently aboard a Virgin Voyages cruise for an event at sea and did some guest shifts behind the bar. “Often that escapism means tropical drinks, whether it’s piña coladas, sex on the beaches—things that feel like they’re party drinks and they’re fun and they’re pretty with an umbrella in them. With that inherently comes a lot of sugar.”

The margarita went down fast, mostly because it wasn’t all that strong, and that meant plotting my next destination—namely, a bar at the very back of the ship in the adults-only neighborhood known as The Hideaway. The Hideaway’s got it all. Two ultra-wide whirlpools. A ton of seating scattered across multiple terrace-like levels. A shallow infinity pool that’s suspended high above the kid’s waterpark neighborhood, Surfside, seven decks down. Incredible views of much smaller cruise ships docked at the port with downtown Miami not too far off in the distance.

The best part, though, are the vibrant tropical drinks paired with bumping Miami Beach-like DJ vibes. Case in point: the bright-orange, mai tai-inspired Oh Mai Gawd, you know, because you have to order the drink that sounds like a Long Island accent. It comes with a pretty little orchid on top, which also makes you want to say “gawd” like you’re from Massapequa. In fact, almost every drink comes with some sort of floral or herbal garnish. The slightly sweet Bloom & Botanical that I ordered next arrived with a sprig of fresh mint that played nice with its mix of gin, elderflower liqueur, and blueberry.

Boom: I officially shifted into cruise mode. At last.

Inside My Week-Long Bar Crawl Aboard the World’s Biggest Cruise Ship (2)

My third destination, Rye & Bean, took me to the opposite end of the ship—all the way to the AquaDome, the Beluga melon-like glass structure that sits atop the ship’s bridge like a reflective helmet. Looking back, this was accidentally strategic for a couple of reasons: The long walk took me through additional areas of the ship and I found some much-needed snacks along the way, including grab-and-go chicken quesadillas from El Loco Fresh that reminded me of Taco Bell.

At the Rye & Bean, which offers both regular coffee drinks like lattes as well as coffee-based co*cktails (hence, the name), the espresso martinis are on tap. Each is poured from a Ketel One-branded machine that unbeknownst to me has been around for a long time now. They hold about 30 espresso martinis and dispense each in about 20 seconds. If you’ve ever made this drink from scratch or watched a bartender do the same, you’ll very much appreciate this countertop engineering marvel. The speed was great, yes, but I particularly enjoyed the consistency from round to round, which frankly isn’t something you experience much on a cruise ship with hundreds of bartenders.

While outdoor bars like The Hideaway wow you with their views, Rye & Bean puts on a different kind of show. The sleek bar, with its earth tones and mid-century modern finishes, is just feet away from the AquaTheater, the high-tech performance venue that combines high diving, robotic arms, trapeze-like rope lifts, and a dizzying array of lights for the ship’s marquee aquatic shows.

In the short time I spent there, sipping one espresso martini after another, several members of the cast rehearsed a series of stunts scored by a jarring medley of snippets from major film soundtracks, including “The Imperial March” from Star Wars, the main theme from the Star Trek movies, the main theme from Pirates of the Caribbean, a cover of Elvis’ “Can’t Help Falling in Love” from Blue Hawaii, and “I Don’t Want to Miss a Thing” by Aerosmith and from Armageddon. The floor of the stage folds away to reveal a half moon-shaped diving pool. A woman in a red dress glided over the water via the lift ropes, dancing in the air.

The show definitely supercharged my buzz. I was finally feeling alive and ready for more. Then again, it could have just been the caffeine from the espresso martinis talking.

DAY TWO: Embracing cheesy cruise culture

After a thrilling morning at the waterpark, it only made sense to keep my bathing suit on and take a beverage break at Swim & Tonic, Royal Caribbean’s first-ever swim-up bar on a ship and winner of the award for cheesiest name of all time.

I first heard about Royal Caribbean’s plans for Swim & Tonic in October 2022, when I visited the company’s Miami headquarters for a virtual reality-powered preview of Icon. Myself, along with a few other reporters, donned 3D glasses and clunky padded footwear before stepping in a closet-sized “cave” of a room covered with displays from floor to ceiling, which together with highly detailed renderings, simulated a walking tour of the ship. When we arrived at Swim & Tonic, and the name sunk in, the whole thing was briefly derailed by a chorus of groans. The Royal Caribbean reps looked so pleased with themselves. It was exactly the reaction they were looking for.

After all, cruise culture is built on cheesy names. Look no further than what these companies decide to name their ships. The Carnival Glory? The Disney Wish? Ovation of the Seas? They’re silly, but memorable. And the further you submerge yourself in the cruise Kool-Aid while sailing, the more you begrudgingly enjoy them. You begin to speak the language of puns, sometimes out of pure necessity while navigating the ship.

And particularly in the case of Swim & Tonic, I’ll let it slide. I love gin and tonics, and the whole menu is a long list of fun takes on the drink. I opted for the bar’s signature spin on the classic, dubbed the Iconic G&T. On a scale of noticeably sweet to Astonishingly Sweet™, it was somewhere in the middle and perfectly refreshing while sitting half-submerged at a narrow table mid-pool, soaking up as much of the warm sunlight as I could between dark gray clouds.

The antidote to cruise cheese

The 1400 Lobby Bar has a magical draw to it. It’s hard not to wander into the crowd there while walking along the Royal Promenade. It’s the first place you see upon boarding the ship and the last thing you see before stepping onto the gangway to exit into the terminal, so it was clearly designed with powerful first impressions in mind.

The glassy emerald ceramic bar wall, the slick white stone bar top with built-in lamps every couple of feet, the tree of wooden slats that connects the bar to the ceiling, the bartenders dressed in white collar shirts under forest green aprons with leather accents and flat caps, the volume of the crowded room—they all come together for immaculate vintage vibes.

The 1400 Lobby Bar has a magical draw to it. It’s hard not to wander into the crowd there while walking along the Royal Promenade.

This is where Royal Caribbean PR and execs hosted a press conference and demo immersion—for me and the many other members of the media aboard this sailing—all about the beverage concepts created for Icon of the Seas. Ed Eiswirth, director of beverage operations at Royal Caribbean, led the talk and detailed some of the reasoning behind the elaborate bar concepts onboard and the beverages they serve. He was joined by noted mixologist Tony Abou Ganim, who was among the three experts they brought on to develop the more than 100 new co*cktails—a third of which are non-alcoholic—for the ship as well as Alex Palmeri, the company’s manager of beverage operations.

“We will make the most kickass piña colada you’ve ever tasted, if that’s what the guest comes on wanting, but we wanted to change the way the world pictures drinking on cruise ships,” Eiswirth said. “We really wanted to take a lot of care into comparing the experiences on board with the same experiences guests have at home. If they want to go to a craft co*cktail bar, they’ve got a craft co*cktail bar. If they want to go relax and have light, refreshing drinks at a place they feel good bringing their kids to, we have Lemon Post. If they want to enjoy jazz with some classic New York and New Orleans co*cktails—granted, with our spin on it—we have Lou’s.”

All that said, it’s actually a challenge to get people to step out of their sweet, tropical drink comfort zone to try new things when at sea, according to Eiswirth. This is especially true if they don’t buy the beverage package, which can cost up to $105 per person per day, and have to pay $10-$14 per drink, plus gratuity.

Inside My Week-Long Bar Crawl Aboard the World’s Biggest Cruise Ship (4)

1400 has a flagship co*cktail that’s basically made to get you Instagram likes called The Fourteen Hundred. While not a card-holding member of the Astonishingly Sweet™ drink club, it’s a sweet and citrusy tequila concoction that the bartenders pour into martini glasses and—for extra wow-factor and Instagram worthiness—use a temperamental bubble blaster gun to top it with a jiggly, shimmering bubble. As such, everyone calls it “the bubble drink.”

Whenever one is ordered, the tricky bubble-making process draws the attention of everyone nearby. At one point, there were 10 lined up on the bar in front of me, awaiting their bubble crowns, which was no easy feat for the bartender because, per my unscientific observations, the bubble guns produce sturdy, lasting bubbles only about two-thirds of the time. So several misfires in a row quickly left a haze in the air in their aftermath.

Are these drinks worth all the trouble? I wasn’t quite sure after having one myself. For one, it was too sweet for me (I blame the glittery “shimmer syrup” they add to it), and two, the bubbles popped before or during my attempt to clink in a cheers. If the bubble doesn’t pop on its own first, you have to burst it with your tongue, nose, or finger (there’s no good way), and a cloud of enchanting aromatized smoke engulfs your face. The whole spectacle lasts for only a few seconds, and when the smoke clears, you’re left with a basic tequila co*cktail.

The process is fun to watch, though, especially when a crowd forms around the bar just to see the bubblepalooza unfold. Bottom line: It’s a helluva way to convert piña colada drinkers to craft-co*cktail connoisseurs.

Inside My Week-Long Bar Crawl Aboard the World’s Biggest Cruise Ship (5)

DAY THREE: A perfect day for… a piña colada

Perfect Day at Coco Cay. That’s the name of Royal Caribbean’s private island and the sole destination of this preview cruise (Icon now does seven-night, multi-stop tours of the eastern and western Caribbean). The tiny spec of land in The Bahamas is little more than a series of beaches surrounding a cluster of restaurants, bars, and an extensive waterpark that’s crowned with the tallest waterslide in North America.

A perfect day at Perfect Day at Coco Cay starts with Royal Caribbean’s infamous remake of “Lovely Day” by Bill Withers in which they replaced the word “lovely” with “perfect.” The cruise director blasts it over the tinny ship intercom after the morning’s general announcements:

My search for a great Manhattan

Schooner Bar, the maritime-themed co*cktail bar on Deck 6, filled up not too long after I arrived, freshly showered and dressed after Perfect Day, just as people returned to the ship ahead of our 5 pm departure. I had to squeeze up to the bar to put my order in, so I made it count: a double Manhattan with extra bitters. Then I watched as the bartender proceeded to mix the drink in a shaker, pour it into a martini glass, and top it with a dash of angostura bitters.

At home, I make my Manhattans big and strong (usually for two), with four ounces of rye, one ounce of sweet vermouth, one ounce of extra dry vermouth, and eight dashes of bitters. I stir it all together with ice in a chilled mixing glass, which I thought was pretty standard (I’d never heard of anyone making this drink in a shaker), and pour it into a chilled glass.

This Manhattan was indeed strong, but because the flavor was so off without the bitters, I found myself facing a fresh quest to complete before sailing home: find a truly good Manhattan. I mean, how hard could it be with a clearly formulated drink order and a bit of patience?

I took my second stab at it later that night at Trellis, an outdoor bar in Central Park. Its swanky nightlife feel gave me confidence in its Manhattan-making abilities, so I repeated the order I had placed earlier at Schooner. It didn’t work. The same thing happened—not enough bitters, and this time, the shaken Manhattan got a spritz from the soda gun before it was served.

I went to bed thinking about something the beverage operations manager, Alex Palmeri, said at the press conference earlier: “We worked so hard on getting all of these menus together and tasting all of these recipes and putting all of these beautiful menus together, but then it comes time for the training. How are we going to teach all of these new co*cktails, all of these new recipes—a hundred-plus—on top of the existing co*cktails that we have on our fleet right now to all of these lovely bartenders who work so hard on a daily basis? While we were in Cádiz, Spain, we did the equivalent of a two-week bar bootcamp. We did two three-hour sessions a day and went through all of these recipes. We made them for our team and the team made them back for us, and it kind of revalidated what we trained. We went through all of our co*cktails so that we could really teach them and focus on consistency and practice.”

It reminded me that like with other aspects of this brand-new ship with dozens of brand-new food and drink concepts, they were still working out some of the kinks—even on seemingly the most routine things.

Inside My Week-Long Bar Crawl Aboard the World’s Biggest Cruise Ship (7)

DAY FOUR: Adrenaline over alcohol

At some point in the middle of any proper bar crawl, you have to acknowledge the obvious: If you’re going to survive it, you’re going to have to lurch to a stop and spend some time putting adrenaline over alcohol. For me, Day Four of the cruise was the perfect moment for such an interlude.

At first, I thought about facing my fear of performing in front of others by tackling the FlowRider, the surf simulator on Deck 17, but I chickened out and opted for a more palatable fear: heights. I can deal with vertigo just fine. On the other hand, the idea of flopping around shirtless, like a salmon, in an attempt to surf while others watch crossed a line. So, I headed to a new attraction called Crown’s Edge.

The ride involves walking a plank-like series of small platforms until you’re off the side of the ship, dropping suddenly, then gliding 150 feet over the water below. But first, you have to climb into a neon jumpsuit and put on a helmet, sit through a long briefing session with a crew member, and get strapped into the harness that’s connected to the track above. That whole experience lasts for roughly 15 minutes, while the ride itself is only about 90 seconds.

In any event, off the plank I went. Every careful step I took moved me farther off the side of the ship until I was standing on a narrow platform directly over the murky waters of PortMiami. I don’t mind heights, so of course I looked down and all around me, taking in the pleasant city views—when the platform suddenly dropped from under my feet, lurching me down and along the zip-line track. The fall caught me by surprise and I remember making a gasp-like sound. You only have about a second to recover before you’re gliding over the water back to the starting position on the ship, and preparing to land on my feet there—as if I had parachuted down—gave me a rush.

Like a shot, the ride is over before you know it, but you climb back down to the deck and step out of the jumpsuit with a buzz. Especially if you ride it twice in a row (I did).

DAY FIVE: Finally, the perfect Manhattan

Going to a concert at the Music Hall venue on Decks 3 and 4 wasn’t on my bingo card, but it’s where I ended up reuniting with a friend who also happened to be aboard.

We chose this spot for two reasons: to see PHOENIX—not to be confused with the French indie rock band Phoenix—perform their stellar set of classic rock covers; and to see if I could, at last, get my hands on a solid Manhattan at the relatively less busy bar here.

It ended up being music to my mouth. Not only did the Music Hall bartender stir my Manhattan in a mixing glass instead of shaking it, he also nailed the rye-to-sweet vermouth ratio and added an appropriate amount of bitters. He didn’t add soda to the top, either. It tasted like victory. I walked away from the bar holding the glass in my hand like a trophy, irrationally happy about it.

Maybe I did a little too much singing.

I’m a sucker for the classics. The flashy and gimmicky drinks are fun—*cough* bubble drink *cough*—but the classics are timeless for a reason, so it’s important to get them right. It boils down to this: When you’re on a ship that can capably pull off both kinds of drinks—the classics and the imaginative new concepts—you’re going to have a better time, a better drinking experience, and a better days-long bar crawl.

Meanwhile, PHOENIX performed hit after hit (“Rock’n Me,” “Your Love,” and “More Than a Feeling” to name a few) with shocking, borderline bizarre fidelity. I sang along at times, between sips of my perfect Manhattan, and then my second perfect Manhattan. Maybe I did a little too much singing.

It was at the Dueling Pianos bar, which overlooks the Royal Promenade, where I had my third perfect Manhattan. Beyond that and a rendition of “The Thunder Rolls” by Garth Brooks that gave me chills, I don’t recall much about the rest of the night. I do know, though, that there are photos and videos from the Dueling Pianos bar with timestamps reading 1:59 am.

Inside My Week-Long Bar Crawl Aboard the World’s Biggest Cruise Ship (8)

DAY SIX: Food is your friend

You shouldn’t ever feel anything more than tipsy when there are so many places to grab a bite to eat on this ship, Smorgasbord of the Seas. (Icon boasts more than 20 places to eat that are new or unique to the ship, plus several other concepts that repeat Royal Caribbean cruisers will recognize from its other vessels.)

The “floating Olive Garden” criticism of cruise ships is unfair when applied here. The world’s biggest cruise ship isn’t just a floating Olive Garden; with the sheer number of places to eat, it’s also a floating Applebee’s, Red Lobster, Benihana, Cheesecake Factory, Ruth’s Chris, etc. etc. With the exception of the stateroom hallways, it’s hard to find a spot on the ship where you can stand and not locate somewhere to get something to eat.

That’s all by design, of course.

During a press conference intended to shed light on how the company pulls off feeding tens of thousands of passengers across dozens of ships all over the world every day, Linken D’Souza, who had recently sprayed champagne in my mouth, explained some of the thinking behind the strategic distribution of food and drink venues across the various areas of the ship.

“If you think about each of the neighborhoods, it’s really about complementary and convenient food,” he said. “You can walk into AquaDome, grab a bite, step into the amazing space that is AquaDome, enjoy that experience. Or if you want to go to a speciality experience while the show is on and get a little bit of that show while you’re having dinner, you can sit at Hooked and enjoy that experience. We’ve tried to create experiences for everyone within each of the neighborhoods so that you can truly enjoy the neighborhood as it relates to food and beverage, your way.”

The “floating Olive Garden” criticism of cruise ships is unfair when applied here.

He also spent a good amount of time talking up Icon’s toughest dinner reservation, Empire Supper Club. The intimate space fits just 38 people, and there’s only one dinner service per night. Royal Caribbean describes the restaurant as a place where “cuisine is an occasion, co*cktails are celebrations and sultry live jazz is your host.” For an additional $200 per person (or $130 if you purchased the Unlimited Dining Package), you get an eight-course meal where every dish is paired with a co*cktail. No, not wine. co*cktails.

I couldn’t get into the Empire Supper Club, but I tried two other specialty restaurants: the aforementioned Hooked, a seafood restaurant, and Coastal Kitchen, a Mediterranean and Californian fusion located in the swanky and exclusive Suites Neighborhood, where I had lobster mac ‘n cheese and a sirloin steak with herb butter, followed by a dense chocolate cake. Was the food noticeably better? Was the service a notch more refined? I really don’t think so. The key differentiator with these upgrades is the ambiance of the restaurant spaces, which are more interesting than the extravagant ballroom slash bustling banquet of the main dining room.

To be honest, when it came to dining on the ship, I kinda preferred Basecamp, a new-to-Icon restaurant concept sandwiched between Deck 16’s mini-golf course and rock-climbing wall where they serve complimentary eats like hot dogs, warm pretzels, and tater tots to keep you alive between the many drinks and thrills. It’s the fast food you need for your booze-filled adventure. It isn’t fancy at all, but that’s the whole point.

Inside My Week-Long Bar Crawl Aboard the World’s Biggest Cruise Ship (9)

DAY SEVEN: One last sip

On the final night of the cruise, I snagged a good seat at Rye & Bean, took a good look around to appreciate the scene one more time, and chatted with the bartenders there who I’d come to know over the course of the week. A few minutes later, my beverage arrived in a steaming-hot teapot with an empty teacup and a miniature hourglass on the side. After all I’d put my body through, I owed it a soothing nightcap that I could sip and savor.

When the hourglass emptied, I poured half of the contents of the teapot into the teacup and breathed in the fragrant steam before taking a careful sip. It was a Guava Hot Toddy—rum, guava syrup, and Earl Grey tea—and it was fantastic. It lulled me into a blissful calm and a delicious peace.

So much so that when I woke up the next day, I didn’t feel like I had failed to squeeze all the juice out of my time on the world’s biggest cruise ship. Or that I’d wasted all my time drinking as opposed to experiencing the Icon’s many, many, many amenities. Instead, I stepped off the ship feeling totally content.

My only real regret was not asking for one last espresso martini to go.

Want more Thrillist? Follow us on Instagram, TikTok, Twitter, Facebook, Pinterest, and YouTube.

Tony Merevick is the Managing Editor at Thrillist, where he's served in multiple editor roles on the James Beard Award-winning team since 2015. He's a journalist, editor, and creative content strategist with more than a decade of experience in digital media, including at top digital publishers Vox Media, Group Nine Media, and BuzzFeed. Over the years, his reporting has appeared in publications such as The New York Times, Time Out Chicago, the Chicago Free Press, among others, and his coverage of the national LGBTQ+ news beat at BuzzFeed led to a GLAAD Media Award Nomination in 2015. Merevick is the former editor-in-chief and co-founder of LGBTQ+ news startup, Chicago Phoenix. He's a graduate of the ASME Magazine Internship Program and holds a degree in Journalism from Columbia College Chicago. He loves wine, making homemade pizzas, and trying too hard at Instagram. Read more.